Stronger | Sugarbabes

I'll make it through the rainy days
I'll be the one who stands here longer than the rest
When my landscape changes, rearranges
I'll be stronger than I've ever been
No more stillness,more sunlight,
Everything's gonna be allright

I know that there's gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that's the way it's gotta be
I'm all alone and finally
I'm getting stronger
You'll come to see just what I can be
I'm getting stronger

Sometimes I feel so down and out
Like emotion that's been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
Trials and tribulations,
I overcome it day by day,
Feeling good and almost powerful
A new me, that's what I'm looking for

Bridge
Chorus

I didn't know what I had to do
I just knew I was alone
People around me
But they didn't care
So i searched into my soul
I'm not that type of girl that will let them see her cry
It's not my style
I'll get by
See I'm gonna do this for me

chorous x 2
ohohohohohohohohohohohohoh

RYNs -


okok.
p0sh* GugU. ayyeee cannot.i dun slap pple i love de.=)

d0m Dada.. eeeek.why you always so blur de.haha.but still.you always have the perfect reasons for me to forgive.haha.

daR cUte boY!!. hahah.dar how many tix you have??.eeeek why you selling??.i dun geddit ehh??.anyways got discount ma??.Lols.

dAwnsY!!. haha thanks wor.shud be can.haha lemme know more plans k?? heyy wanna meet up for lunch on first day of sch or something?? =)

ehhh what's with the reactions pple??!!! hahhaa.i dun get it.really i dun.ok nuff said bout the concert le..
-anyone wan go cedar concert this time??..helping you publicize dawn.hhaha.anyways where to get tix??
havent went for a cedar concert for eons.haha.or say the last time i went was like..in sec1 or sec2 perhaps.grr sads right??.oh wells.i wonder how's cedar's concert etiquette now.it sucks last time. >.<

what do i have left of yu. promises and memories.
-see the distance..feel the awkwardness..hear the silence.

+ //yuleftmehere.yuleftmeheretocry. +

ok i am gonna write a happy happy entry.i should anyways.havent wrote one for eons.

yest went for jce's rjc concert.always liked going for jce's concerts.they always sound good.=)
anyways she only asked me to go like the day before and its like.very good seats.and uh huh.expensive too.owells.thanks gurl.you rock.
turned out p0sh.GugU cant make it.and thus jon was asked.then da cant make it.then we asked sam!!.haha.okok anyways we went and all.had fun yea.hahah laughed a lot blah blah.the concert itself is not bad.i just sat down there and look up and i realised all those pple up there are not only musically inclined or even talented..they are smart pple.hello?? rj??.haha yea.anyways but then they dun look as professional at snyo.that is duh evident cos if not they wun be called SNYO you know??.haha.owells.
finished the concert.saw uncle tong onn and auntie chia choo.talked a while then walked around waiting for jce.bought her a lil something from happy house.concert etiquette.=) anyways we chatted for a while then we went downstairs and all.. jce went with her concert mates to supper at newton circle..then me jon and sam went to breadtalk and buy one dollar bread.haha.to find a nice place to sit and eat..i sacrificed 4 bucks while sam sacrificed 2 bucks to buy a mocha frappucino at starbucks and we sat there drinking and eating.=) jon is penniless btw.lOls.
-wondering how it would be like if it had be da who went.. no matter what.guess God wanted me to have some good memories without him..

there is no perfect guy in the world.
but my perfect guy will be perfect.for me.
-in search of my christopherobin-

how much do i treasure these friends in this picture??.

finished watching lavender.very sweet and it drained a lot of tears outta me.for once i can guang ming zheng da de ku..
tendecies to cry is getting higher day by day.and i so wonder when i can be an official tears donater.

+ //miss. + 020404.
its like.something is so close to you.you can just grab it.
you can enjoy the warmth and security of it being around.
then.someone comes and pulls that thing away.leaving you cold and insecure.

we were so close.and now.he is getting further.
i cant describe what im feeling..

its like.you thought that nothing is gonna seperate us.but it happens.because you yourself pulls yourself away.you left me sitting there.alone.-and now.youleftmeheretocry.-you had it once.then you lost it.if you never had it at the first place you wouldnt know that specific something is missing.cos you dunno how it feels to have it at the first place.

its the same with affections.if you never knew how a kiss felt or tasted like.you'll never know what to miss.you'll never miss kisses.

i miss kisses.
i miss hugs.
i miss cuddling and kisses on the forehead.
i miss holding someone's hand.
i miss being in the arms of a person and feel like you can just die there and then.
i miss telling someone i love you.and hear the person answer back with the same feelings and sentiments.
i miss morning calls that goes 'morning dear. love you.'
i miss the little stuff that will just make me love that person more.

+ //miss. + 020404

totally lousy mood.what's wrong with me??.

it all points down to the money problem.and yes..did anyone tell you that money is the root of all evil??.in this household..money is the root of all disharmony.
-still at a just woke up eyes not open phrase.i woke up at 12nn.and yep its 4pm now anyways.couldnt sleep the whole night due to a blocked nose which was a result of a suppressed cry.

went to gugu's place yest.finished watching her at dolphin bay vcds.then hung around till 10+ and went home.called da on the phone while waiting for the bus.and..kinda got fed up cos he somewhat forgot to tell me that everything is again cancelled.and then of course i have turned down band prac two weeks consecutive.if i turn up at church again this week.where's the trust man??.fine.maybe that wun happen.but doesnt that reflect a case of poor planning and organisation i wonder.i seriously wonder.
anyways.somewhat hung up on him.and bam.the pangs of guilt sets in straight away.like.oops why did i hang up on him.was in a lousy mood when i got home in the end.then my wonderful father showed me my hp bill for last month.well thot i somewhat cut down actually.esp like since i dun msg him that much le.but in the end my bill shot up still.it was 113 bucks last month.and its 134 bucks this month.beautiful huh??.anyways yea came out all the money stuff and all.
i was still feeling kinda erm.guilty and all bout hanging up on da and all.so i asked whether i can come online and yeps.they started some piece of -fill in your own vocab- and then i wasnt saying anything and all.and when i just said something it went like 'even if i say anything it is still useless so why should i just continue??' yea yea.and my mum is like when you come online we cant sleep without worrying about what kinda pple you are talking to.like hello?? you literally know most of my friends online and im so sorry but i hardly talk to strangers anymore??!!!.anyways i was like 'fine.im selfish.' she was like 'good you know that.go back and reflect.' but all i said was 'and i like staying that way'.then i left the room.and i locked my room door and all..
then i called da up.and said sorry and all.he wasnt angry yeps.and he doesnt sound like he cared.fine i know yu care.but..nvm. yea and then we talked a while..and i guess he didnt detect anything wrong.and maybe i should go like.maybe he dun even notice whatever.yea.. we hung up like kinda fast..and its like.shucks.i just sat on my bed and started crying.ok suppressed crying.whatever.but heyy.it IS painful in there k??.felt really bad..
ended up looking for jon to talk.just needed to get stuff off my chest.but.talking to jon and talking to da.it is completely different.it isnt fair to him i know.its just the way things are.jon asked me something 'what if he likes you?' and the direct answer.the cold hard fact is that.'no he wun.and most probably never will.'

since yest till now??.

slept at 230 last night.talking to da.haha.it was back to the just listen to him sing and have his own mini concert with one in the audience and accompanied by the com.ehh.sound like the good ol' days.urghs.now im gonna feel old.
feel like.i really dun have much to say anymore.

-love is.doing things for the benefit of others at your own expense.-

my phlogger is nicely up.the stars looks pathetic tho.grrr.so pixel.blockish??.ahhh dunno.its here anyways.
got lots of stuff in my agenda.dun wanna think of doing them at the moment.

time to rot and watch my vcds.

yu sure i never change??.maybe yu just never notice.
-that hit me when you said that i am turning materialistic.perhaps.yes.yu're totally right.i never looked at stuff the same as before.i guess i need time off from orchard road.and start slapping myself back to reality and get reminded that im still a poor penniless gurl.-..im sorry.really sorry..

i wun know whether yu would read this.but just a few words.
-im sorry for anything that i've done wrong.i dun wanna lose anyone anymore.not after i am gonna lose yu.and if i just say i dun wanna.and i wun forget.i dun bet anymore.after that time.but this time i will make one.one last time.i bet after 10 years.ill still remember yu.not just tucked behind somewhere in my head as a minute being.but one who has a special place in my heart.this is the last bet i will make.that i promise.

gotta phlogger.wheee.fun.find my phlogger here.
still need to refine it.esp the pic.grr.

i wish that nothing more drastic happens.not telling anyone of as yet.only if tell ask.yu left it to me.ill do my best to do what is best to do.seems like the direct approach doesnt work really well anyways.but..yea.

God wun give up.i wun give up.dun give up.
for God's and my sake.

feel the distance.

hear the awkwardness.

see the i-dun-think-we-know-each-other look.



say what? we dun even talk.
feel so out of tune.guess that is the price to pay to distant apart from them all..
guilty perhaps.i cant say i enjoy life like this either.hello when did i ever like life without friends??.

out of place.

ok ive amused posh with my dreams.and next im gonna amuse you all.

last night..i dreamt that dada married this gurl he only met 7 days before.haha.dun ask me why.my brain aint working properly or something.i was kinda angry with him and all.and yea.his dad is definitely pissed too.haha.i dunno.its just weird.coincides with da tag on his bloggie ehh.hahaa.it was like.im trying to shake him into his senses all the day through his wedding dinner??.haha.oh yahh.yes you were wearing a tux.nice one.hahah.the gurl's kinda sweet too.petite somewhat.had a chinese name i cant recall what.my goodness.my imagination a bit too much le.lOls.

then there was another one.i cant rem when.but SHE sent two guys to either kill my daddy or beat him up.woke up asking myself do i hate HER that much??.*raise eyebrows* anyways that is what posh asked me too when i told her.like NO.i dun hate her that much.i dun think i hate her either.im keeping it neutral you see.arghs.its kinda worse than before.the last time she ripped off the bouquet of roses my sec3s made for me.hmm.hahah then after that i found out there IS something with her chucking roses away and hmm.giving out roses and flowers and all.i dunno lahh.its just all so weird.

basically did nothing the whole day.am done with my enrolment stuff.hopefully i din miss anything out.=/
wun be going to the orientation and whatsoever.hmm.thinking of what kinda life i want to have in poly.like someone totally visible and everyone knows me??.or like antisocial??.or just with my own group of friends??.dunno lahh.see how stuff goes.

anyways yest was fun.went for salome's concert.ok.la salle-sia is seriously a school for the talented.mans.the music they do is GOOD.haha sam i think i can say that they are even better than the ones you saw at the rally.yours were trained rights??.the ones i saw are professionals.hahaha.and yes.the bass player and drummer and electric guitar and ahhh everything is good.and their acapella group is cool.and the songs they wrote themselves are like.wow.haha.ok i din know sara wei went to la salle too.haha.anyways.if they had a recording of the songs.i want it.haha.the voices are so varieted.there were the sweet sounding ones.the diva kinds.the jazzy soulful kind.the hiphop kind.man!!.haha.ok anyways after the concert we walked all the way from there to leisure park.then had supper there.then walked to guillemard road to catch a cab.haha.its funny lahh.i din realise i walked that much.
reach home at bout 12mn.yea he was sweet to like send me all the way home.haha.and then its like lent him money to pay the cab fare home.and all.haha.was listening to radio and haha.i din realise like i fell asleep listening till bout 2??.hmmm switched it off and all.and dunno.din really had a real good sleep.with that amusing dream and all.owells.haha.woke up at 11 todayy.went to collect my x-ray report from the clinic.settled my enrolment stuff before lunch.whheeee.yups.then rot at home like literally rot.
i feel like i have no life AGAIN.yea.shucks.and yeps.im craving for orchard again.miss that not-that-really-considered-high-flying kinda life.feel so.towner.haha.okok.will be flying to other churches this week.so peeps at church dun miss me.and sorry i wun be there for the debate.this is an erm.advanced notice thingie.good luck and all too.

thish ish sho enuff for todayyshh.i forgot who talks like that.haha.ohwells.ta peeps.

man. i love this job.

yest-
woke up early and my mum got a fright.and yes.so did i.i literally jumped.ok i think i look cute when i literally jumped.grins.okok im bhb.
anyways made my way to sharon ma'am's workplace.which is called spa esprit.really posh and all.haha.was good.considering i had everything for free.and and i still getting paid and all.hahhaa.stayed there for hmm.6 hours.yups.then went home and did all my enrolment stuff.wun be able to send by todayy.aww.went to the doc's to do my check up.hahah.my doctor rawks!!.love her mans.she is like so cool and so nice.=)

todayy-
woke up and went to get an x ray.bleahs.then went back to my doc.did a urine test and realise i am like too much of white blood cells.like dots.hmm.anyways yea then met posh at 12 plus plus.and she just tells me im so frigging cute.like.huh? -blinks-.hahah.then she drop me behind taka and i went back to spa esprit.then did my stuff.then posh dowan play arcade with me le.i want play arcade.like really really play datona and pucks and alll...ahhh.*pouts*!! eeeks.i dowan think le.anyways.im crazy over doughnuts these days.i LOVE doughnuts.=)

doughnuts. blisters. alcoholicsz.

t0 daDa and p0sh.
// pray that nothing can go between you two k?.keep it strong and that its grows only stronger and nothing else.settle everything soon.we dun like history repeating itself over and over again.all the best to both of you.

to p0sh*.
congrats on turning str8!!.=) keep it that way worx. jiayou!!

to daDa.
you still rawk.hope you're doing fine. try hard to make a complete pic this week. but sounds like a lot of peeps cant make it. awww. and oh yahh.the pressie.we try getting

to saM.
know very long nv write anything to you lahh.hahah.anyways good job on the forum.can somewhat see it picking up.=)

k that's all.going for a concerto now.byeee peeps.

i dunno what to feel right now.

yes.a whole night is a big big difference.the period of 12-13 hours.yes im sorry i slept for 12-13 hours.i woke up at 12 again.damn.the first thing i realise when i wake up is that my parents are screaming at me to wake up.like.im sorry?? i dunno time passes that fast?? hello??.

-head was pounding the whole day yesterday.and my wrists are hurting again.
again it so feels like no one cares much anymore.i know pple care.but its just that empty-and-notwanted feeling.

feeling out of place.you two should have just enjoyed your day yest.i shouldnt have even went yest.it just doesnt make sense.and see.you two survive fine without me.or to say.when did you two ever not survive fine without me??.everything IS already a happy picture without me.why then should i destroy it??.
know that she is gonna be very hmm fedup with this entry.i am not being oversensitive here.it is the part of me that wants to continue to let go and thus not want to see him that often and rekindle past memories.
it is evident that you are very much the most impt person in his life.it is the truth.and he is on MIA from me.and thus i shouldnt be making stuff difficult.how stuff were before yesterday.i am already very contented with the stage of our rship.and i really wanna keep it that way.
an occasional chat on the phone is enough.a meeting on a special day is enough.msging only for essential stuff is enough.it is not to say that i am easily satisfied.it is just that i dun wanna hope too much.i dowan to be disappointed in any circumstances..
let me just keep stuff this way.and all we can talk about is our childhood days and the stuff that wun hurt both of us one bit.it is not that i wanna run away.some stuff are much better kept this way.

---------------------

to my very dear redx juniors-
i dunno whether any of you reads my blog.but heyy.this is just my two cents' worth.bout what happened and all.

i have to say that somewhat i am disappointed about what happened.its like.the friendship that we had with ijtp and the alliance we had with them are broken.stuff became very much ugly.i cant say that it is only them at fault or us at fault cos this is a case of wrong at both sides.whoever started all this might not be important anymore.for the fact is even if they started it.you all are at fault to actually 'fight back'.who knows.it was just the letting off of steam and then everything was blown up??.all your ex ma'ams hope that nothing like this will happen again.all this has just showed the ungraciousness of both sides.either for winning and showing off about it or losing and being sore losers about it.ij's ex ma'ams are still good friends with us.and i dun wish that this thing will spread so big to even affect our friendships with them.
what we hope you all will do is to just humble yourselves down to apologise to them.cos you all are also at fault here.then your conscience will be clear already.then it will only be up to them whether they would admit their fault or not.or that they would accept their apology.your work is done.get on with other stuff.
we want you to show that you all are gracious cedarians.and make sure it all doesnt go all the way up to the school management.
last thing.if ever you all win anything again.(i know you all will but.yea).there is no room for complacency and dun rub it in to other schools k??.we treasure these friendships and alliances a lot.so dun do anything on impulse or in a moment's anger.the next time all these happens.you all are gonna get it from us.i promise that.
after all these.jiayou on the rest of the stuff in the year.hope that redx day parade this year will go on fine.even with all these happening.same with syf and ndp.tk care gurls.keep the cedar flag flying.please.
---------------

done.rotting at home todayy.doing chores for a living huh.vacuumed the house.gonna mop and hang the laundry up laters.bahh.

want apologise to posh and da.

im sorry to not contain my displeasure.
might have spoilt your day and all.

to posh- sorry to sound like it is all your fault.it isnt.maybe im just not really happy of the fact that you all can drink but i cant?.and yea.i may have over-reacted.but.it seems like you're encouraging his drinking habit??.nvm.im sorry bout that too.is you two's business.i shouldnt have interfered.
to da- first never will i thought that i would ever will angry with yu?.sorry to have given yu the murder glare.i was hmm.disappointed that yu were so excited that the one month's up??.

same with posh too.tell me.how can i just take it lying down??.like you two destroying your livers??.other words.i am concerned and i care.
its my fault that i chose the wrong way to show it.

im sorry. to both of you.

i'm bored.ripped from theo's friendster bulletin.

BOYFRIEND CRITERIA (or something..)

1. hair color – ehh.anything that i can ruffle through..
2. eye color – i aint that thinking far to think of caucasians yett.
3. height – taller than me can le..and that is VERY easy..grr.
4. six pack? – no need lahh.
5. long/short hair – doesnt matter.as long as he looks good??
6. glasses? – hmm haha that's fine i guess.
7. piercings? – not like a lot a lot alot..and not at weird places..
8. chest hair? – ...
9. buff or skinny – ahh?
10. straight teeth, gap, or braces - a cute gap is hmm cute?
11. punk/jock/emo/sXe/goth? – haha..none of the above.
12. funny or serious – can make me happy can le.
13. party or stay at home – able to balance.ahh.
14. should he cook or bake? - haha that's an added point.
15. should he have a best friend? - like duhh.if not?
16. should he have a lot of girl friends? - haha its fine as long he stays loyal..
17. outgoing or shy – hmm outgoing i guess.
18. sarcastic or sincere – somewhat in between..a lil bit of sarcasm is fine..haha.
19. would he watch chick flicks? - that's my job.hahah.
20. would he be a smoker? - dehh.no.
21. would he drink? - no drunkard
22. would he swear? - erm..not excessively..preferably not..but what are the odds these days man..
23. would he pay for dates? - take turns..=)
24. does he kiss on the first date? - NO.
25. where would you go to dinner? - home.haha.homecooked are the best!!.
26. would he bring you flowers? - haha i melt at roses..
27. would he lay under the stars with you? - why not??
28. would he write poetry about you? - if he can..
29. would he call you hunny, sweetie, dear or baby? - hmm that fine with me.=)
30. would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? - he gotta!!
31. would you hang out with him and HIS friends? - haha.why not??
32. would he play sports? - haha why not? shopping's a sport too rights??.oops.
33. would he skateboard? - that's cool.
34. would he snowboard? - snow in sg??.no money go overseas..tsk tsk.
35. guitar? - haha yes!!
36. play piano? - that's my job!!
37. play drums? - hmm.bonus yea.
38. would he clean his room? - cant say anything.my room's a mess too.
39. would he paint, draw, sculpt? - . . . its ok.really.he aint gonna be the perfect guy or something.
41. would he sing for you? - yes..that's sweet....hahaha.
42. use the word dude? - can yea..
43. use the word tight? - ehh why?
44. what kind of car would he drive? - something decent..
45. would he put his arm around you or hold your hands? - sure..mean like.physical contact is..nvm.
46. would he dance? - haha that'll be nice.but i aint a dancer myself..so dun expect much.
47. how often would you see him? - we're flexible i guess..no routine or whatever.
48. would you want him to get you jewelry? - haha a necklace..ring..blahh.that's nice.
49. stay up and talk all night long? - yes!!.hahah.
50. say I love you? - definitely.but only if he really means it.

finish..*gasping for air*

bye pple.

ok pple dun laugh.

i burnt my mouth.

ahhhhhhh my post got deleted!! IE shut down.screw you IE!!!

arghs.anyways.went for retail therapy.bought toys.wheeee.
getting for posh and ron.

replacing my memories with him with other people..
hard and painful.but i HAVE to move on.oh wells.

-cbc forum's up finally.click here.
good job sam.grins.

----edited cos put wrong link..aww sorry peeps..

robbed dear from cai and stanwin yest.grins. told cai that ill rob her of stanwin one day.*winks*

miss just laughing along and doing stupid things with them.with marc shihao justin..haha.boon and everyone in sr.
miss slackers' club..miss just talking nonsense and plan to overthrow jac the moron queen of moron planet..
miss 4n03.the -its all our fault- movie and craps..the newsweek monster.the mdm lum impersonations.and all that.
miss my sqdmates.all the str8fwd no nonsense wednesday recess meetings.the 4 whole years of shiit we went through together.
miss art aka detention.when we just bring food up to eat.and secretly msg friends.and being good and finishing up my tys.
miss cedar.the atmosphere.the people.the way yu just smile at everyone and they smile back.cos yu are in orchard in a cedar uniform.

robbed of everything.im left with only memories and regrets.

miss the times when i first knew posh.when everyday i come home.and pick up the phone to just call her.
miss SPC.where so many bonds are forged.that nice toilet that everyone hangs out at.
miss him.when we end like the only two around that goes to all the youth camps and church camps.the times when we are the ones who end up getting saboed by the adults in cg.miss all the late night chats that never cease before 2 1/2 hours.
rem the time when i was 10??.and he was asked to pick the person he trust the most.and he picked me??.
*snaps back to reality*.what about now??.the person he least trust i guess.

yes.the harsh reality is that life goes on and things arent the same ever again.
never are things the same anymore.any little thing that happens will be just another lil swerve to a new direction.
my life must be one extreme twisted road.